How to set Personal boundaries:

1. A New Mentality

The first step towards setting personal boundaries is to accept the fact that it quite healthy to have one. The fact that you don’t need the acceptance or identity of others does not in any way make you less compassionate or loving. It simply defines you as a complete individual with self-worth.

2. Outline your objectives

What you don’t want you don’t watch. Failure to teach people and enforce how to treat you is to allow them treat you anyhow.

Now this is so important. You need to really take stock of your life and spot the areas where you have been weak in setting your boundaries. This includes writing out the things you are no longer going to tolerate others to say, act or do to you. Create a mental picture of the new you based on your defined set of ideals and how you intend to achieve it.

3. Communicate your aspiration

It is very important to communicate with those that had crossed your personal boundaries in the past that you would no longer tolerate such unacceptable behaviour again. Of course, this must be done graciously done to allow them to respect and support your new boundaries.

4. Anticipate the objections

Getting to tell others to respect your boundaries is not an easy task and more often than not, the conversation is usually very uncomfortable. It is however good that you prepare your mind for any of the possible reactions such conversation might generate. Either positive or otherwise, this should not make you depressed but make you determined to attract new, supportive, and healthy-minded people in your life. However, don’t compromise your values, integrity, and self-respect simply to keep someone in your life

5. Emphasise your boundaries

It may take some time to train yourself and others around your new boundaries. Continue to reinforce them so that you are taken seriously and respected. Practice saying no when you are asked to do something you don’t want to do and ask them to stop immediately. Walk away from negative comments without getting angry and soonest, the other person will realize you are serious.

6. Be Courteous to your allies.

You must be committed to continuously acknowledging and rewarding those who are supporting and respecting your personal boundaries. Thank them and this will motivate them to continue their behaviour and most likely, help them to also develop their own personal boundaries.

7. Give Back to others

Remember that respecting boundaries goes in two ways. Be sure you don’t cross other people’s boundaries and secondly, you have to work really hard to reflect the respect and support you want for yourself.

8. Be Convincing Enough

You must learn to create a balance between enforcing your boundaries and showing compassion or understanding if need be. Sometimes, there may be occasions when you choose to bend your boundaries or allow someone to cross the line as long as you don’t feel you are being manipulated to do so. As you gain confidence around your boundaries, you will know when and how to bend them.

9. Persevere to Succeed

You know what they say about Rome not being built in a day. Be ready to appreciate the little progress you are making as the change doesn't happen overnight. As much as possible, try to insist that your boundaries are respected and practise to break free from emotions that led you to develop weak boundaries.

10. Self Confidence

Sometimes, the best way to achieve personal boundaries is to love yourself. You have to make a conscious decision to project that feeling of self-confidence and self-love to others, naturally. You also have trust your instincts and feelings about what you do and don’t want in your life. You are the most qualified person to define who you are and do not give that job to another person to do. Setting and requiring boundaries is a great way to practice this.

SaveAChildToday's: Personal Boundaries Series

SaveAChildToday's: Personal Boundaries Series: People define personal boundaries in different ways. However, it is generally accepted that personal boundary is the protective shell that ...

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Personal Boundaries Series

People define personal boundaries in different ways. However, it is generally accepted that personal boundary is the protective shell that an individual has built around his/ her life over the years. It is also the limit with which an individual can tolerate certain actions, gestures or behaviour without losing their true identity.

These limits are somewhat imaginary dividing lines around every areas of the person’s life. For some people, setting personal boundaries might just be for the purpose of protecting the soul realm which are subdivided into the mind, will and emotions, while for others, they are simply interested in protecting their time, bodies or self-worth.

Boundaries are limits that a person sets to encourage acceptance behaviour from others. These are enforced by consequences for breaching the limits.

It is often thought that only adults set personal boundaries. However, these days, with proper orientation, many children are being taught the importance of setting personal boundaries and how to enact it appropriately in protecting their rights as children without being violated by the people they trust in the society.

Setting personal boundaries is not an easy task, yet it is believed to contribute to an individual’s happiness. It begins by knowing who you are and what’s important to you. Some people might not feel quite comfortable with someone who has boundaries, and would object it by making claims such as “we are not compatible or you can’t be serious”. 

Nevertheless, it is important to stick to your decision and spend sometimes in self-reflection. This will motivate you to hold on to your decision. At times, you need to have a line of thought which you repeat several times over to help yourself set your boundaries. Statements such as “I will no longer accept interaction where my body or emotions feel violated without making a decision that honours me .” have the capacity to motivate us to keeping our boundaries

      Why is it necessary to have Personal Boundary?

No doubt, setting personal boundaries is important! Below is a list of five benefits of setting personal boundaries.

• They provide the framework to keep us from being used or manipulated by others, and they allow us to confidently express who we are and what we want in life.
• It is believed in some circles that having personal boundaries increases one’s productivity and improves relationships greatly.
• By setting personal boundaries, an individual identity is maintained and you avoid loss of respect even when in relationship with others.
• Having personal boundaries make us overcome the fear of us not being good enough for others and avoid comprising our values just to be accepted by others.
• Another major benefit of setting personal boundary is that you are fully in charge of your life. You are not at the mercy of others and do not depend on what they do, say, act or think before you make decisions that will enable you live a most fulfilling life.

Below Ten signs shown you have not set personal boundaries:

• When you feel forced to say yes or no when you mean otherwise.
• If you have to compromise your values just to please another person.
• Feeling unable to speak out when you being physically or sexually assaulted
• Allowing others to make decisions or speak for you when you are quite capable to do so.
• Adopting another person’s beliefs or ideas so that you can be accepted.
• Allowing yourself to be fondled or even having sex just to please the person.
• Allowing yourself to be interrupted or distracted to accommodate another person’s immediate wants or needs.
• Giving too much just to be perceived as useful and taking endlessly from others because we can.
• Allowing people to say things to you or in front of you that make you uncomfortable.
• Not defining and communicating your emotional needs in your closest relationships.

The Power of WORDS

The words you hear, the words you speak, the words in your heart are POWERFUL.

Your WORDs determine your personality.

How do you gain mastery over the words you speak and turn them to your advantage?

The WORD is Potent and has Creative force. Even God Himself shows us the importance of spoken words. He spoke at creation and everything He spoke He saw.

The WORD when wrongly spoken can destroy years of relationship with children, spouse, family or friends, can destroy things of value. Words when spoken with an uncontrolled anger and outburst can cause life damage.

Words kill faster than Guns. Words spoken go to the root and source of matter to address the situation.

Words can mould or destroy destiny faster than imagined.

Word in another way can be used to create mighty things out of nothing. Words when rightly spoken can create an Empire that will transcend Generations.

What kind of Words are we speaking - into our life and into other people’s life?

Image Credit: http://www.malaforvets.org/

Are they WORDS of anger, mistrust, wrong accusation, despondency or pleasure, trust, praise and hopefulness?

Are they WORDS of cheer that can build confidence or that can tear heart apart?

 

Image source: http://bitsofwisdom.org/

Words can inject hope and create a new beginning,

Words can put a smile on anybody's face when rightly spoken and can also make an adult cry and wail from the heart like a baby.

Words are dynamite, Words are creative, and Words spoken with Faith in God can turn any situation around.

God bless our tongue.

May I used this medium to invite people of like passion and mind as Guest Writers to this blog, so we can together reach out to the World and Rescue a Child Today.

Sexual Abuse

The moral decadence in values and morals has contributed to a large extent to some of the horrible happenings that have proliferated into our society and culture. I beseech all parents by the mercy of God to be vigilant where their wards are concerned. The daily pursue of gold and silver has made the priority of many parents shifted. May we not miss eternity with God over the failure to train and guide our children appropriately in life.

(photo credit: http://www.canstockphoto.com/) 

More than 85% of children sexually abused are done by people close to them, those they have grown up to see and trust by the day.

 (photo credit: http://photobucket.com/)

A lot of children learned and unlearned are facing lots of imaginable situation and some of these people are not bold enough to open up either because they have been threatened to die if they open up or because the parents might not believe them if they open or the fear that it might cause a split of families ties.

There are several cases of girls been sexually abused by neighbours, uncles, fathers, brothers and cousins, relatives, family friends and school mates.

There was a case of a girl brought from the village and the daddy of the house has been sleeping with her for almost a year – an eleven years old girl, at least twice or thrice in a month as a matter of fact the girls said she cannot count the number of times the man had slept with her.

We have several of this particular situation at hand. The proliferation of Social media and parents not paying attention to what their children do on the cyberspace is really disheartening. Everyone wants to belong by dangerously exposing the young ones to what they are not matured enough to handle.

When children fed their minds with pornography and unholy association the mind is worked up and before one realise it they want to practice what they have watched.

But what about the adults that daily abuse little girls of various age bracket.

Most parents especially mothers have completely forgotten the essential tools to bring up their children, they allow them to dress indecently without no moral values nor respect to elders or authority.

Some female practice lesbianism while the boys also go to the extreme of homosexuality.

Some parents that believe in throwing their wards to go for holidays have perpetually expose their wards to different evil.

Can we imagine a girl of 5 years that has been highly abused and her vagina is so deep and wide and had led to serious infection, because the girl was left at the mercy of neighbours who has plenty of boys and one after the other had had the little girl violated.

Some of these evil are even perpetrated by evil friends that do setup their female for their male friends to mess up.

Mothers need to be talked to, the destinies of our children is so important and must be salvaged.

There are lots of issues going on in homes too which are not creating a conducive environment for the children.

Fighting, cheating and abuse of all sorts from various angle. People conscience have been destroyed and no longer feel ashamed swimming in sin, rather it is seen as a norm.

The devil will not have a final say over these children they are the Future and may I also say that mothers’ needs to wake up lots are happening under their very nose with them being insensitive.

Quick Fact on EBOLA

Ebola crept in like a thief in the night and kept many awake to the reality of the importance of life.

Ebola is introduced into the human population through close contact with the blood, organs, secretions or other bodily fluids of infected animals such as chimpanzees, fruit bats, monkeys, gorillas, forest antelope and porcupines found ill or dead in the rain forest.

I am not going to reinvent the wheel here as many things have been said on what EBOLA stands for and huge impact of the infection on any human.

However, there are few things that perhaps many did not know which I believe the knowledge in the write up will certainly go a long way. -  Let me start on this note, Who is at risk, and how can we prevent its spread?

·        Anyone who cares for an infected person or handles their blood or fluid samples is at risk of becoming infected. Hospital workers, laboratory workers, innocent victims, friends, associates and family members are at greatest risk. 

And another school of thought said “Strict infection control procedures and wearing protective clothing minimizes this risk” Is that enough to combat the deadly EBOLA?

Somehow it is believed that the likelihood of catching Ebola virus disease is considered very low unless you've traveled to a known infected area and had direct contact with a person with Ebola-like symptoms, or had contact with an infected animal or contaminated objects.

There is a popular saying "The only thing we have to fear is fear

The fear of Ebola by many has imprisoned many people that are not even infected by Ebola. Messages of fear are being preached and propagated using different means. I will not be surprised if some certain fellow due to fear of Ebola are already plague with symptoms of Ebola disease. 

Fear has torments, it paralyses the victims. Several information has been passed on in a spirit of panic and fear, rather than in a clear and concise manner that addresses people’s questions which in turn had fueled anxiety from both young and old.  When we react out of fear, our actions are often irrational and even costly.

As believers fear is our greatest enemy in walking in the Faith and must be confronted.

I am not saying the deadly disease is not real or does not exist. All I am saying every believer should understand they carry within them a spiritual DNA which is immune to any satanic attacks from the pit of hell.

Think NO evil and see NO evil, do not give in to the fear of being attack by EBOLA.

And he said unto them, Why are ye so fearful? How is it that ye have no faith? Mark 4:40

Fear gives room to the devil to manifest, as long as you will not think yourself having or being affected with EBOLA you cannot be afflicted with it.

As a man thinketh in his heart so is he – Think good health and that will be your experience in Jesus name.

Prayer: We pray for those affected or threatened by the deadly virus that they may be granted divine healing and hope of new beginning. 

Basic Fundamental Tools - WORDS

Let’s look at some of the basic fundamental tools used in the first School of Learning

Words

Word is the first and the most powerful tool in bringing up a child - as good as the word it is a double edged weapon - it can mould the destiny of a child or destroy the life of a child.

What kind of words do you speak to your children or wards? Words of hope or despair, possibility or impossibility, gratitude or ingratitude, complaints or praises, condemnation or commendation, blessings or curses.

Children naturally exhibit most of the characters they learn from home.  A way of instilling these virtues is by living an exemplary life. What virtue are your children learning from you?

Home is fundamental to the development of any Child, it is therefore expedient of us create time to ensure the basic values are instilled in the lives of our children before they pick wrong values that may end up destroying their lives.

Sometimes we wonder how come some children have low self-esteem - it all starts from home. 

The right words with inbuilt ability and treasures were never said by the people they believed so much in – their parents.

Many words are said without saying these right words.  What words do the children pick along the line as they growing up?

In conclusion, parents, guardians and adults cannot give what they do not have and cannot teach what they do not understand.

Living an exemplary life for our children will go a long way in instilling Godly values and virtues into their lives.

Remember the home is the first school of learning for our children.

Discipline - Greatest School of Learning in the life of a Child Series

Discipline

-         is systematic instruction intended to train a person

 (Cited: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Discipline)

Discipline is another virtue that is lacking in the life of many children, some parents usually express that they don’t want their children to lack anything and because of that indulge their wards in act of excesses and fail to discipline them when necessary.

Good enough the bible clearly instructs us on how we can use the weapon of the Word of God to effectively train our children so that they will not grow to become a concern.

The bible admonishes us to train our children in the way of the Lord and when they grow up they will not depart from it.

Any child that is out of order is usually into different vices that cannot be imagined.

The act of discipline is very important because no one can amount to anything in life without the virtues of discipline.

To be contd…..

SaveAChildToday's: Greatest School of Learning in the life of a Child...

SaveAChildToday's: Greatest School of Learning in the life of a Child...: From the time of inception when the foetus is conceived in the womb, a child has somehow been enrolled into a school called a home, irres...

Greatest School of Learning in the life of a Child

From the time of inception when the foetus is conceived in the womb, a child has somehow been enrolled into a school called a home, irrespective of the structure, context and atmosphere the foetus is growing in.

The first school a child learns from is the home and that is why the first utterance or word spoken by the child is automatically picked from the environment he or she is born into.

How do we now make this school of learning worthwhile for our wards? What kind of virtues, morals and teaching do we ensure our children possess from the home to help them become the person they are created and destined to be.

Many children by reasons of the home they were born into grow with the concept of worthlessness, no sense of value and regard for anything or anyone. This is sometime a reflection of the first school of learning they attended which is the home.

It is a common understanding that in all schools of learning, the students are instructed on what to do or not the other way round. When a child is left to have his or her way at all times in the home, then the original concept of home being a school of learning is defeated.

When a child is not taught some basic virtues and values at home it creates huge gap in the society. For this purpose, we shall be discussing three values which our children are meant to learn from home, their first School of Learning.

Waste:

Online dictionary defined Waste as use or expend carelessly, extravagantly, or to no purpose, barren, unproductive etc.

 (Cited: www.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/waste)

When we talk of waste, there are basic things children need to know:

This could be as simple as letting our children know that resources like food, time, and everything that matters to existence including their own lives should not be wasted by all means but put to maximum usage.

Cited: http://www.epa.gov/wastes/conserve/foodwaste/fd-reduce.htm

I know of a family that seriously frown at wasting food and I agreed with that concept too, I do not take it likely with anyone in my home that wastes food or anything of value.

One of the ways in ensuring that nothing is wasted is knowing what to do with what God gives per time so that we don’t squander it before it is needed.

Cited: http://www.consumerinstinct.com/food-wastage-and-its-impact-on-environment/

It is our responsibility as parents to ensure that there is no waste by showing examples to the children.

Simple steps to avoid waste

cited: http://www.somersetwaste.gov.uk/more/food/lfhw-community/

To be contd…..

What can your Child say about you…. in a flash

Is your life a role model to your Children and how are you affecting them positively……

                                  Photo Credit: Momsmagazine.com

Celebrating my Jewel as God adds another year to her today……. my LOVE

I posed these 3 unexpected questions to one of my daughters when she was not up to 10 years of age, she gave me her responses. These I wrote down unknowingly to her.

 Please read and laugh with me….

1.       What I like about my School

       General Hygiene

       Creativity

       Spirituality

       Moral Discipline

       Well Groomed Teachers

       Excellence

2.      What I like about my Mummy

       Personal Hygiene

       The way she carries herself

       Very Disciplined

       Zero tolerance for failure

       Spiritual Anchor

       She dignifies herself

       She is caring about people around

       The way she takes care of the family

3.      What I like about my Daddy

       Spiritual Discipline

       Honesty

       Caring

       His Love for God

       His Love for my Mummy

       His Love for his daughters

What is the value of the life of a CHILD?

What amount of value can you place over the life of a child? To what extent will a parent go to protect his/her children?

In the context of this, what will be considered to be the norm when raising a Child?

Considering the different phases in the life of a child, what are the roles of parents and guardian?

What are the real need of Children?

Children are faced with diverse challenges that are often times not shared with parents or people as there is no one they can trust.  

What practical steps can be taken to ensure open communications with our children?

What are the tools used in bringing up a child?

How do we address the challenges in homes which affect the destiny of children?

In view of the above questions, this blog is mainly dedicated to saving the life of children. This Vision is for individual to target a Child and ensure the destiny of that child is safe and secured using appropriate tools to mould the child.

There are ground rules on this blog, this is for the building of destinies, profane and abusive words will not be allowed.

This is not a forum to judge, insult or discuss religion or Churches. It is not a forum to insult anointed men and women of God.

This Forum will promote creativeness, entrepreneurs, godly ideas and innovation that cohabit Love and work as team. The Forum is aimed at breaking the gap between parents and children by providing a platform that will enable the parents understand and learn how to use various articles from this blog to assist the child to achieve purpose in life in the midst of happenings of today.

Productive comments, contributions and posting in line with good practice are welcome.

URL or hyperlinks that leads to spamming, phishing or scam is highly prohibited and are not allowed on this site.

The use of background codes, malware infected comments or Trojans that will affect the site integrity is prohibited.

It is very likely that there will be diverse opinions, but it must not degenerate to threats and use of abusive languages.