Personal Boundaries Series

People define personal boundaries in different ways. However, it is generally accepted that personal boundary is the protective shell that an individual has built around his/ her life over the years. It is also the limit with which an individual can tolerate certain actions, gestures or behaviour without losing their true identity.

These limits are somewhat imaginary dividing lines around every areas of the person’s life. For some people, setting personal boundaries might just be for the purpose of protecting the soul realm which are subdivided into the mind, will and emotions, while for others, they are simply interested in protecting their time, bodies or self-worth.

Boundaries are limits that a person sets to encourage acceptance behaviour from others. These are enforced by consequences for breaching the limits.

It is often thought that only adults set personal boundaries. However, these days, with proper orientation, many children are being taught the importance of setting personal boundaries and how to enact it appropriately in protecting their rights as children without being violated by the people they trust in the society.

Setting personal boundaries is not an easy task, yet it is believed to contribute to an individual’s happiness. It begins by knowing who you are and what’s important to you. Some people might not feel quite comfortable with someone who has boundaries, and would object it by making claims such as “we are not compatible or you can’t be serious”. 

Nevertheless, it is important to stick to your decision and spend sometimes in self-reflection. This will motivate you to hold on to your decision. At times, you need to have a line of thought which you repeat several times over to help yourself set your boundaries. Statements such as “I will no longer accept interaction where my body or emotions feel violated without making a decision that honours me .” have the capacity to motivate us to keeping our boundaries

      Why is it necessary to have Personal Boundary?

No doubt, setting personal boundaries is important! Below is a list of five benefits of setting personal boundaries.

• They provide the framework to keep us from being used or manipulated by others, and they allow us to confidently express who we are and what we want in life.
• It is believed in some circles that having personal boundaries increases one’s productivity and improves relationships greatly.
• By setting personal boundaries, an individual identity is maintained and you avoid loss of respect even when in relationship with others.
• Having personal boundaries make us overcome the fear of us not being good enough for others and avoid comprising our values just to be accepted by others.
• Another major benefit of setting personal boundary is that you are fully in charge of your life. You are not at the mercy of others and do not depend on what they do, say, act or think before you make decisions that will enable you live a most fulfilling life.

Below Ten signs shown you have not set personal boundaries:

• When you feel forced to say yes or no when you mean otherwise.
• If you have to compromise your values just to please another person.
• Feeling unable to speak out when you being physically or sexually assaulted
• Allowing others to make decisions or speak for you when you are quite capable to do so.
• Adopting another person’s beliefs or ideas so that you can be accepted.
• Allowing yourself to be fondled or even having sex just to please the person.
• Allowing yourself to be interrupted or distracted to accommodate another person’s immediate wants or needs.
• Giving too much just to be perceived as useful and taking endlessly from others because we can.
• Allowing people to say things to you or in front of you that make you uncomfortable.
• Not defining and communicating your emotional needs in your closest relationships.