1. A New Mentality
The first step towards setting personal
boundaries is to accept the fact that it quite healthy to have one. The fact
that you don’t need the acceptance or identity of others does not in any way make
you less compassionate or loving. It simply defines you as a complete
individual with self-worth.
2. Outline your objectives
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What you don’t
want you don’t watch. Failure to teach people and enforce how to treat you is
to allow them treat you anyhow.
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Now this is so important. You need to
really take stock of your life and spot the areas where you have been weak in
setting your boundaries. This includes writing out the things you are no longer
going to tolerate others to say, act or do to you. Create a mental picture of
the new you based on your defined set of ideals and how you intend to achieve
it.
3. Communicate your aspiration
It is very important to communicate
with those that had crossed your personal boundaries in the past that you would
no longer tolerate such unacceptable behaviour again. Of course, this must be
done graciously done to allow them to respect and support your new boundaries.
4. Anticipate the
objections
Getting to tell others to respect your
boundaries is not an easy task and more often than not, the conversation is
usually very uncomfortable. It is however good that you prepare your mind for
any of the possible reactions such conversation might generate. Either positive
or otherwise, this should not make you depressed but make you determined to attract
new, supportive, and healthy-minded people in your life. However, don’t
compromise your values, integrity, and self-respect simply to keep someone in
your life
5. Emphasise your
boundaries
It may take some time to train yourself
and others around your new boundaries. Continue to reinforce them so that you
are taken seriously and respected. Practice saying no when you are asked to do
something you don’t want to do and ask them to stop immediately. Walk away from
negative comments without getting angry and soonest, the other person will
realize you are serious.
6. Be Courteous to
your allies.
You must be committed to continuously
acknowledging and rewarding those who are supporting and respecting your
personal boundaries. Thank them and this will motivate them to continue their behaviour
and most likely, help them to also develop their own personal boundaries.
7. Give Back to
others
Remember that respecting boundaries
goes in two ways. Be sure you don’t cross other people’s boundaries and
secondly, you have to work really hard to reflect the respect and support you
want for yourself.
8. Be Convincing
Enough
You must learn to create a balance
between enforcing your boundaries and showing compassion or understanding if
need be. Sometimes, there may be occasions when you choose to bend your
boundaries or allow someone to cross the line as long as you don’t feel you are
being manipulated to do so. As you gain confidence around your boundaries, you
will know when and how to bend them.
9. Persevere to
Succeed
You know what they say about Rome not
being built in a day. Be ready to appreciate the little progress you are making
as the change doesn't happen overnight. As much as possible, try to insist that
your boundaries are respected and practise to break free from emotions that led
you to develop weak boundaries.
10. Self Confidence
Sometimes, the best way to achieve
personal boundaries is to love yourself. You have to make a conscious decision
to project that feeling of self-confidence and self-love to others, naturally.
You also have trust your instincts and feelings about what you do and don’t
want in your life. You are the most qualified person to define who you are and
do not give that job to another person to do. Setting and requiring boundaries
is a great way to practice this.
