There are other forms of boundaries invasion such
as emotional and intellectual boundary invasion. This happens when you are
allow yourself to be easily caught up in the emotions, beliefs, ideologies,
relationships, responsibilities etc. of others. If you cannot protect yourself
from such invasions, you risk being bruised, wounded and battered.
Examples of emotional and intellectual boundary
invasions are:
- Allowing yourself to be influenced and
overwhelmed by another person’s feelings. Your mirror their present state
happiness or sadness to yours without actually allowing your true feelings
to surface.
- When you have to let go of your dreams and goals
in other to make the other person happy.
- When you think you have to be the one to tell
people how to live their lives
- Finally, when you shift the blame or refuse
to take responsibility for your actions.
Benefits of setting Healthy Boundaries:
ü It enables us to develop
high self-esteem and respect that allows us to be well treated by others.
ü Healthy boundaries allow us
to have our opinions, thoughts, feelings and needs articulated in a respectful
manners and not feel threatened when others think otherwise.
ü It also prevents us from
being trapped with the web of other people’s needs, thought, feelings and
desire. We know where to draw the limit of sympathy and compassion.
ü We do not feel manipulated
to disclose personal issues unless we are certain we are in a mutually sharing/
trusting relationship.
Where to Set Boundaries
Are you in doubt as to
where to set boundaries in your life? Below are some areas where you can set
personal boundaries.
Work Space –
Working from home is quite exciting. However, it can be frustrating when there
is no proper understanding by others on how you wish to use your times and
supplies. It is quite important that everyone around you know their bounds
especially when to call on you, or how they make use of your gadgets and
stationery. When you successfully communicate your boundaries to them, you will
have the freedom and productivity you truly desire.
Team Work: When
you are part of a team, it is so tempting to prove that you are capable of
doing more than what is required of you, especially if you have a problem of
saying yes to everything. Try as much as possible to reject every request of
adding more to your responsibilities graciously, otherwise you risk suffering
from exhaustion and burnout.
Friends & Relatives:
No one is island and your family needs you as much as you need them. That is
not to say you have to cater to all their needs. Let them know of your decision
to set boundaries especially when it comes to sharing household tasks. You
should also be considerate and let them know before hand of the new boundaries
you have set and ensure you stick to them, no matter what.
Time –
If you are as guilty as most people in time management, then you should be
thinking of setting up a self- imposed constraint to achieve efficiency. For
example, if you have to finish a task within a scheduled period of two hours,
it is better you constrain yourself to an hour slot so as to prevent you from
actually wasting the two hours and not get anything really done.
Health Care –
We know that all work and no play makes things worse. It is important to put
boundaries in place to avoid over-working and to give yourself adequate rest.
Set limits as to when and how you will eat out, when to stop work and put in
place an exercise routine that will help to keep you sharp and on top of your
game.
So, now that you know, which of these statements reflect your personal
boundaries limits.
- Walk all
over me
- Enter
at your own risk - Free access
- Knock
before entering
- For sale
- Do
not disturb
Setting personal boundaries for children
Some parents have crossed the line of parenting to
friendship in a bid to get closer to them. Children must learn to recognise the
authority placed on their parents, who in turn are expected set the pace for
them to grow into healthy adults. It is good in a way when parents show
themselves as role models and institute personal boundaries that the children
can adopt, it makes them trusted as the children can understand why the
boundaries were set in the first place
Creating personal boundaries for children involves
consistency. This serves two major functions. One, it helps the child to grow
up without being self-centered and secondly, the children are able to
embrace the boundaries as being necessary. As children differs in age and
reasoning, it is expected that parents set realistic boundaries that can be
expanded or negotiated as the child grows older.
If this is not well moulded and cultured among
children, it can lead to the destruction of the child.
Boundaries are stretched as children
grow and gain new skills. It is important that the parent let the child knows
the reason and the expected outcome of the personal boundaries set.
In addition, parents should train
their children to know the power that personal boundaries gives, which is the
option of choice.
Once children understand that beneath each limits set are
choices that can be generated, it enables them embrace such limits faster. Give
children options for activities; setting parameters that fit the family’s
budget, routine and family guidelines and learn not to compare or use other
families as standard for their own.
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